I’ve been in a good place.
It’s called “The Right Now” a.k.a “This Very Moment” a.k.a. “The Present.”
I’ve been very deliberate, sometimes painstakingly, in making decisions about how to spend each and every second of my time. The decision to write a blog post lost out to the decisions to working out, playing soccer, going for a walk, cuddling with the kids, and reading books. The “One Bowl Project” set the whole conscious living in motion. It was a successful experience whereby ‘successful’ I mean that we have all learned something new.
This past hiatus from blogging was spent planning birthday parties, spending weeknights at the beach, swimming in my mom’s pool, reading this book and this book and this book, going for sunday afternoon cupcakes here, having root canals, watching the kids watch fireworks, going to see drive-in movies, playing and practicing soccer, planning an upcoming father’s day lunch, attending psychic readings, going for playdates, hosting playdates, having a yard sale, painting furniture, purging and more purging.
And in between, there were plenty of mornings, afternoons, and days off school to just take a bit longer to get up and to stay a bit longer in mama and dada’s bed. There were picnic dinners at the beach. There were walks to the park and swings to be swung. There were bedtime stories and forts built. There were birth stories told over and over again on birthdays. There were quiet moments with each child. There were crazy nights when it was so hot no one could fall asleep.
It was a span of time where I did just enough of what mattered most to me. I didn’t wish I was somewhere else doing something else. I didn’t regret what I was spending my time on. This has led to our current month of “NO TV.” No TV will be watched in our household except for LIVE sports including the NBA Finals and FIFA World Cup games and these must be watched as a family learning about sports and other countries along the way. TV will not be used to watch DVDs (nor will the computer). We will go to the Drive-In movie theatre once a month. The kids are not restricted if they are at other people’s homes and will make their own decision to watch TV or not. I don’t anticipate this challenge to be very hard since we normally don’t watch TV during the week but so far it has forced us to be outdoors more on the weekend. I’m assuming we will eventually get rid of cable all together.
In due time, I will write about my sensational 7-year old who just a year ago wore a sparkly headband every day and who now wears converse all-stars and jogging pants regularly and all about her birthday celebrations. And I will write about my fantastic 5-year old who still loves “all things pretty and princess” but wakes up every day bouncing down the stairs exclaiming, “I’m 5! I’m 5! I’m 5!” I will write how proud I am of who they are and describe what they like and dislike.
But…for now, I will just watch and listen and enjoy.
Though I haven’t left my city, my home, I feel as though I have been to where happiness and joy reside. This is a place I’ve never dwelt long-term but where I have visited from time to time. In this place, impossible to locate on a map, I have been able to be kinder to myself – the self-judgments and the self-criticisms and the guilt – they all cease to exist here.
This is where I’ve been.